The Kindling Humor Magazine

By Nicholas Keeling

North Central College needs to start doing its job to support students by providing clubs with beer. The elixir of creativity, the liquid gold, the good hooch. For a creative club such as The Kindling a little beer money could go a long way. Alcohol is responsible for some of the greatest works of literature known to man. Was it not the whiskey that helped Fitzgerald write the Great Gatsby? Was it not that bourbon that inspired Ernest Hemingway to create A Faqerwell to Arms? How much recognition must we give to the vodka consumed by Dorthy Parker in the creation of Sunset Gun? The answer: a lot. We should give a lot of credit to alcohol.

         North Central College states that clubs are “funded through the required Student Activity Fee.” This student activity fee cost Cardinals $180 in the 2025-26 school year. This means that for two semesters students were forced to pay $90 out of their pockets to the school without input as to where the money should go. I don’t know about you, but that sounds like taxation without representation. That sounds like my old pal George would be very unhappy with NCC. If students are forced to pay $180 per academic year, they should be allowed to decide what that money is invested in. And for myself and many other students it’s fair to say I would like that money invested in beer.

         If that doesn’t persuade you why NCC should dedicate some of its budget to beer money then I will show you muyself. I’m going to start consuming an increasing amount of alcohol to show you that it does foster a sense of creativity. It promoits creative ideas and makes for more emotional writing. When a righter has had a few beersin them they can create better stories and more emotional characters. It allows the author to be in a more vulnerable state. And being in a vulnerable sate allows for more developed characters and emotion plots. 

         The kindling needsbeer because it is good for writing.trust met I am kinda drunk right now and the ideas are flowinglike my piss. Could a sober sperson right this good of anarguemnt. No I don’t thhik so. How does the school expect us to write funny stuf if we donthave any beer on hnad. Like that is the most important tool in a writers box. A lil beer gets the juices flowing. And its totally in their budgets like common. Give us an extra 150 bucks and well by the cheap stuff. It don’t matteras long as we can gert fucked up we wil be happy. And honestly it didn’t take thatu much. I had two 9% lemonades and a IPA and wow I am feeling it man likek holyshi t.

         In order to write thsis article I knew I had to getfucked up. So I took one for the team and I got readlly drunk. I know im a really selfless guy. Im thegreatest president ever. I really took one for the team on thisone guys. People will look backand say wow he did so much for the cluhb he helped us to getall the beer we eever wanted and that’s like so cool of him. Dfrvghnjmmmmmmmmm/”tgyhujip;trfe,  nbbbbbbbbbbbrfgtvyjhnumkjjjjjnhhjmn dxjnm’/;[.gvbftAzqz BVHNHNHNJU     kooooooooooooo    JHN NB VCGI AMWRITING THIS WITH MYT TOUGUE U7JYH6RTG5F4Q RTF5GUYH7JDEFTGYHUIOPQWTYUIOP’;LKJHGFDSazNMJK,L.;/BVGTFRE BSADFGHJUIIU7Y6TREWQWASEDRFGHJswfrtgyu7yuhb w3uiop[9a2gy